hellooo, welcome to my blog! this is just a little space to share my thoughts, ramble about the fins i love and hate, give updates on what i'm up to, and to show off nice pictures. i try to post these weekly, but no promises oki. i love you!!
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happy may day everyone! remember to kill your boss on this most sainted holiday.
we're entering final exams week, so my brain has chosen to finally be productive – on everything except exam revision. oh joy. so, apologies for the inactivity this past month, but we're back in business again!
mostly, i've been doing a lot of early prep for artfight by making new oc refs, updating info, all that jazz so i'm not swamped with it when july comes around. i'm especially happy with how adder and pebblecoat's toyhouse pages have turned out, if you wanna check them out (iirc, adder is my oldest oc who i still use. neato!) this will be my fourth or fifth year, depending on how you count it. i just cannot wait to bury all my last-year's art behind new attacks – the only bad thing about artfight is being confronted by my old art every time i check my profile.
on a personal note, i've been on testosterone for over a month now! it has been rather terrifying – i don't have any trans friends in real life, so i've had to figure all this out and deal with The Horrors on my own – and it does feel a little silly to get so excited over such a small milestone, but i'm really happy! it feels like a good fuck-you to the cass review*. a small, secret, and insignificant fuck-you, but a fuck-you nonetheless. the only downside has been that my voice has dropped just enough so that i can no longer do my dnd character's voice properly – clear Divine Punishment for my Transsexual Wiles and Schemes.
*for my dear and lucky non-brits, the cass review was a review of the nhs's childen's (defined in the review as anyone under 25) gender services. a pdf of the report can be downloaded here. it essentially recommends conversion therapy, and both major parties have endorsed it. if i keep talking about it i will start throwing things. julia serano has an excellent essay discussing it, i really suggest giving it a read (along with everything else julia serano has ever written.)
but enough about the nightmare that is britain's ever-dwindling trans rights. jhariah's new album trust ceremony is out, and i am thrilled! i love the more electronic feel of this album, it works really well with jhariah's usual high, high energy. each song is unique and memorable, while still having very cohesive style and themes. it hurts me to have to pick a favourite track, but i've been listening to both control baby and re: concerns on repeat a *lot* so it's gotta be between them.
that's your homework then: read the cass review, wpath files, and the perpetual debate over gender-affirming care by julia serano and listen to trust ceremony by jhariah. you got that all?
alastor ^_^
i created him with my own two hands. he is my everything. look into those shining eyes.... my darling boy. his name is ,snorple or something.
um. i watched cats the musical the other day. it was reel good! i was so surprised when i realised i actually liked the characters beyond how hot they are! it really does a fantastic job at making each cat a distinct person – even when they're just in the background not doing anything. it's kind of genius?? as a warrior cats kid, i love it when cats are gay and horny and shockingly actually very interesting what????
rum tum tugger is my favourite i think.. i just find the fact that he's munkustrap's annoying little brother incredibly funny.
welp that's this week's blog post. this is all. farewell.
alastor ^_^
i must say, this week absolutely flew by for me. i cannot fathom that it is already sunday! it was exam week for me, that's probably why. they weren't important exams (which is great for me considering i. did not do well teehee) but that didn't make them any less exhausting. it's also been strike week, so there wouldn't have been much to do anyhow – please, like you can exist in public without being expected to spend money!
i finished disco elysium again, and i've started a third playthough. all in all, i got a *lot* more done in my second but i know there's still a good amount of stuff i missed. one issue i'm finding is that i want to see what happens if you just. horribly fuck up certain things (cough cough, the tribunal) but i'm far too focussed on doing well (cough cough, getting a good grade in kim kitsuragi) to actually let myself fuck up. and i don't really want to save scum, that defeats the purpose of seeing the consequences! but either way, save scumming wouldn't work for things like the bad ending, since that's based on your actions throughout the whole game. sighhh, life is so difficult.
in the mood for more groundbreaking rpgs, i started playing the original deus ex a few days ago. though i haven't gotten very far, i can see why this game is so beloved. i keep finding myself going "okay, this is clearly how the devs intended me to do this. what's something way cooler i can do instead?" and then the game just lets me do it a completely different way because the devs love me personally. as has been made Very clear by my love of disco elysium, i highly value player freedom. so basically i'm in love with deus ex.
one thing that really surprised me with deus ex is how invested i am in the stealth. i very much prefer action over stealth and puzzles, so i expected this to be my least favourite aspect of the game. but i was shocked to discover how great it felt sneaking around liberty island, silently picking off nsf guys without causing a scene, then going right back to my sneaky little exploits. really living my dream of being a little mouse over here. thank you deus ex.
i really ought to get a hobby other than playing games and ranting about them here. maybe i'll learn to knit. i bought needles and wool ages ago, and they've just been sitting unloved on my shelf this whole time. ach i've tried, but i've had zero luck with it.
why would i do all that when i've yet to play the new apollo justice trilogy port! i've loved ace attorney for a good eight years now, and i always come up with excuses to not play dual destinies and spirit of justice – but now those excuses have run out. well, all but one: i'm waiting for it to go on sale. it's like forty quid, that is pure extortion! you're telling me this trilogy is better than the great ace attorney chronicles? you're telling me this is six times the gaming experience as undertale? because, for some unknown reason, i doubt that.
and that's that. seaya next week, for more nerding out about disco elysium probably.
alastor ^_^
y'know how, when you get really into a book or game or show or whatever, it changes you as a person? and when you're experiencing something truly incredible, you can almost feel new your personality traits forming? disco elysium has had the exact opposite effect on me. disco elysium did not change me, disco elysium made me realise who i am. what the fuck? i must say, i've never played a game which (somehow!) gave me a sense of self i didn't even know i was lacking. there is... *really* nothing else quite like disco elysium.
i finished the game on wednesday. the first thing i did (after staring at the ceiling for many hours in a daze, processing the fact that i will never be able to play disco elysium for the first time ever again) was start playing it again. my first playthrough was pretty good but i know i missed a lot. that's another thing i really love about disco elysium: it is impossible to see everything with just one playthorugh. hell, you'll probably still be seeing new things on a tenth playthrough! there's just *so much stuff*, and that paired with the all the randomness of skill checks makes it an insanely replayable game. in just the first few hours of my replay, i have seen so many new things just because i've levelled different skills.
my first playthrough i put everything into empathy and esprit de corps because i wanted to be nice to people and i wanted kim kitsurgi to like me. it was for this same reason that i did no drugs, drank no alcohol, and smoked one singular cigarette throughout the whole game. y'know, like a boring loser? and though i did succeed in making kim kitsurgi like me, i failed in um. like every skill check jesus christ. i especially fucked up during the tribunal and the confrontation with ruby (though i've heard those two moments can go far worse than i managed, so that's something i suppose.) this time, however, i'm going to be interesting. i'm gonna be so smart, i'm gonna learn all about the pale, i'm gonna not have ruby kill herself, it's gonna be so good. even if it is terrifying and upsetting not being able to read kim's mind because i have like ten points in epirit de corps... i am so lost without him.
one thing i unfortunately cannot do yet is not be a communist. i'm sorry but i can't emotionally handle it. especially the fascist route, since then it's not just me hating myself: kim also hates me! dude, i can't handle kim kitsurgi's disapproval i will cry.
moving on from disco elysium (impossible, i know, but we will try), my half term break has just started. not to mention the days are getting longer, what a great time to exist! and i shall spend this free, sunny week doing the only logical thing: drawing dirkjake. teehee, it isn't just for my personal satisfaction, though. it's for this year's dirkjake big bang! that means this wip has a plot!
it also means i gotta get this done quick because my clip studio paint free trial runs out in 9 days :P sigh, i will buy it - it's so much better than firealpaca my god - but that brings me no joy. especially since there's multiple versions and argh it's just so confusing! why are there multiple!
back to the point, i implore you to check the fics out when the event starts (on march 11th.) these writers and artists are literally insane. they fucking invented dirkjake i swear to god, i feel unworthy to take part in an event with them!
oh also postcanon jake english and harry du bois are the same guy, thank you and goodnight.
alastor ^_^
it was my reading-homestuck anniversary yesterday. i had vague plans to do a cute little artpiece to honour the occasion but, when the day came around, i plain forgot all about it. so my february 3rd ame and went without any new homestuck art. it's alright though: my homestuck-finishing anniversary is on the seventh of march and i'll make sure not to miss it!
what i have been doing in this time is playing disco elysium. and i mean a *lot* of disco elysium. and, like every single other person to have ever played disco elysium, i am *madly* in love with mr. kim kitsuragi. but disregarding the most perfect and incredible man in gaming history, disco elysium is *incredible.* i've just finished day two and i am SO invested in the plot it is unreal. on top of that, the writing is brilliant and only made better by the stellar dialogue system. it perfectly toes the line between hilarious and heartbreaking. much like how harry du bois is the saddest buffoon on the planet!
i make it a goal to try 100% the achievements of any game i play. but, to be honest, i don't think i'll be able to do this for disco elysium purely because i cannot emotionally handle kim kitsuragi being mad at me. it brings me so much joy looking at how many more people have the achievement for making kim like you than for making kim hate you.
anyway, between playing disco elysium and listening to pin-eye by jhariah on repeat, i found some time to go on a little walk through the countryside. i have this uncanny ability to always find the quickest way out of any city i end up in and onto the nearest farm. truly, what's the purpose of life if not to trespass on farmers' private property! following apparently every instinct except common sense and dignity, i made it through the horrible nightmare maze of Suburbia and came across a delightful dirt path cutting through some farms. it led to a four-way junction so i arbitrarily picked one to keep following. i picked very well: i soon wound up by two benches overlooking the river. even though winter made everything look very dull and dead, this area was beautiful. lots of birds too. can't imagine how lovely it must be in spring!
i'll return at some point but, mainly, i want to see where the other paths lead.
thank you for reading. i must now go back to playing disco elysium!
alastor ^_^
hiya everypony, furst blub post and i must say i haven't a clue what to write for this momentous milestone. big update huh! i reely went above and beyond with this one eh. it is currently 3:39 AM (though you won't be reeding this til after my catnap) and working on all this has been my singular focus since i awoke my puter this morning.
i conchsidered giving the whole site a more thorough reformatting. make it a bit more normal: sidebars, navigation, all that junk. but, to be honest with you dear reader, that's so generic! in my opinion, the way i've just been adding extra boxes to the homepage for each new link has a lovely feel to it. it makes it seem very mismatched and thrown together - which it very much is! as a plus side, it is Far easier to make it responsive this way with my minimal skills.
as for my Real Life outside of the web, it was my birthday on friday! it was absolutely fintastic, i ate a delectable victoria sponge cake and i got a beautiful new candle - as well as a new plant! she's a tiny yellow rosebush and her name is dave (after dave bowman, but dave strider also works.) yellow roses are Supposed to symbolise some nasty stuff, jealousy and greed and whatnot, but, as a lover of both roses and the colour yellow, i shrimply don't buy it! she has the cutest little thorns and i love her to bits.
it's been a goal of mine this year to try get at least full artpiece done each month. whale, january is almost over and you may have noticed a suspicious lack of new art. this is troublesome! i've done doodles a-plenty, but just haven't had the heart to paint. however! i'm almost done with a delightful little dovejade piece (on my fancy shmancy new tablet.) this is my furst time doing a full painting in clip studio, and i must say i'm impressed. it's without a doubt the best program i've efur used!!
anyhoo, i have a politics essay tomorrow which i have not prepared for in the slightest. in the meantime, you should click on the hal on the new about me page! that's your reward for reading this i suppose.
-alastor ^_^