CONTINUITIES

stuff ill GET TO EVENTUALLY: rescue bots, beast wars, armada, headmasters, marvel, dreamwave, cyberworld, super-god masterforce, victory

stuff i dont wanna see: robots in disguise (2015), energon, cybertron, exiles, retribution

(listed from my favourite to my least favourite)

mtmte/lost light - perfect. amazing. showstopping. transformers at its best. should've kept going forever. the night i finished it i genuinely couldn't sleep because i was thinking about it so hard. mtmte is the best thing to ever come out of this franchise.

eugenesis - maybe eugenesis shouldn't count, but it's really good and this is my house i can do what i want. eugenesis is an insane book. it's amazing. if i think about quark and rev-tone, or wheeljack and sygnet, or nightbeat, or prowl too hard i'm going to have a heart attack and die. i just want my dear darling characters to be happy. but they never will be. james roberts has forbid it. i usually dont find quintesson stuff too interesting, but eugenesis does it REALLY well. the plot is sooo fun, and i loove the twist at the end. gooood fucken book <3

windblade/til all are one - i really love windblade as a character. she's trying so hard to just do her job and be a good person. in a continuity full of bonkers action and really complicated lore, its so nice to have a shorter story about something simple, a woman finding her voice and learning to stand up for herself in a world that does not respect her. it also contains THE most transgender incarnation of starscream to date, hoooly shit. i really love mairghread scotts letter at end of the annual, it always has me tearing up. good comic.......

transformers one - good god they finally managed to make a good version of optimus and megatrons backstory! an AMAZING version in fact!!! ouhh its so good. its SO good. go watch osp's detail diatribe about it NOW. i'm so mad theres no plans for sequels. i'm enraged. i'm going to be angry about this for the rest of my life

cyberverse - ohhh i LOVE cyberverse!! anyone who tells you cyberverse is bad is a horrible evil liar! cyberverse is the best transformers cartoon. the plot? nonsensical. the tone? wildly inconsistent. but the CHARACTERS? ohh the characters. rather than trying to settle on a smaller core cast, cyberverse really leans into the fact that transformers has one william characters. i really enjoy how it groups up characters who dont tend to get put together: arcee and grimlock; hot rod, bumblebee, and cheetor; wheeljack and shockwave. it also has SLIPSTREAM!! OUGHHH I LOOOOOVE SLIPSTREAM SOOO MUCH. the show peaks in the first half of season three, when it shoves hot rod into the Torment Nexus to Suffer and also soundwave, clobber, dead end, and some others are there too.

prime - without a doubt the horniest transformers cartoon, my word the tfp polycule is insane. it was also my first transformers cartoon, so im biased. it manages to accomplish things few other transformers cartoon can: having a Good Plot and Strong Characters. it also has MIKO! i love miko a lot, she and bulkhead are so good. primes decepticons are some of the best to grace this franchise, so much so that one of the best episodes of the show is the one that features zero autobots. unfortunately, prime loses points for a rushed third season and jack derby. fucking hate jack derby.

bumblebee - lovely film! delightful film! proves that you can have a transformers thing mostly focused on human characters that isnt bad! proves that you can have a live action transformers film that isnt bad!!!!!!! bumblebee is adorable <3

skybound (dwj's run) - phew, it sure is good that skybound's transformers comic ended at issue #24. it's a shame it was so short, but gee am i grateful they let it end when its brilliant writer left instead of replacing him with a god awful wretch of a man who would flatten all the characters into two-dimensional husks of their former selves. i'm so glad that didnt happen

but enough bitterness, that is for lower down the list. now we focus on the good. dwj's run in skybound was fantastic! though heavily g1 cartoon-inspired, it still keeps stuff fresh and interesting. optimus is at his peak sad father, and i LOVE it. its starscream backstory is also AMAZING, theres not one issue in which he does not suffer horribly. i also really appreciate how long it took for megatron to return, dwj managed to resist the urge to have the Iconic Villain show up immediately and instead let the tension build. its great! elita's also the best she's ever been. she's allowed to be messy and traumatised and angry and Have Wrinkles!!!!

transformers go! go! - i dont have much to say on tf go go, it's just cute nice and silly. hot rod and magnus are literally perfect. good freaking luck finding an english translation though lmao

the rest of idw1 - idw1 is a weird weird read, it has so many ups and downs. i've talked about my favourite parts, but there's absolutely great stuff in the rest of the continuity too. last stand of the wreckers and spotlight: megatron are easily s tier (nick roche is utterly carrying this comic run.) all hail megatron, which was my introduction to the wild world of transformers comics, is also fantastic and invented DRIFT, with a lot of themes that would be further explored in mtmte. speaking of things further explored in mtmte, hot rod/rodimus is CONSISTENTLY amazing. no matter the quality of the comic, you can always rely on rodimus to be done so well. he is the best character in this continuity. also, i think the -ations trilogy was a great start, letting things start slow and relatively low-stakes to give room for the drama to build across the continuitys almost fifteen-year run.

that being said, when the comics are bad theyre Bad. the worst of it comes in phase 1, with its boring plots that drag on and on and characterisations that change massively between writers (looking at you, prowl and optimus.) the dead universe plot especially was confusing, boring, and didnt end til halfway through phase 2. and then theres phase 3s hasbro universe, which was a complete mess of crossovers between franchises no one has cared about since the 80s and really soured the earth-side of the plot

id say its Mostly good, but i'd only recommend the whole continuity to someone if they share my madness. there's just. So much. and while a lot of it is wonderful, quite a bit is. Not

animated - i'll be honest i dont remember animated that well? i remember really enjoying it, but theres only like two episodes i remember in any detail. which probably means it's a good but forgettable show plot-wise. this is made no better by its rushed third season. i really like how different its take on transformers lore is. though i dont think it always works, i respect it for changing things up not just doing the same again. animated really shines in its cast (for the most part, cough cough bumblebee.) i especially adore prowl, jazz, and starscream, and sari is one of my favourite transformers humans.

the transformers: the movie - its a completely different feeling watching this on its own vs watching it right after g1 season two. it's just SUCH a 180 from the cartoons tone, not to mention the tonal whiplash going from scenes of characters dying to more goofy hijinks. it's fantastic. i love it for inventing hot rod, and also its killer animation and soundtrack

g1 (season 2) - the g1 cartoon at its best. it's an absolute delight, just silly goofy fun. theres not many episodes that stand out as Amazing, but also practically none that are bad. optimus and starscream are really the highlights, they're consistently great

g1 (season 3) - i find season three fascinating. you have a silly kids show, and then a film that murders the entire cast. how do you possibly follow that up? with some difficulty, apparently. season three is Flawed. the switch back to a lighthearted tone is incredibly jarring, because you cannot forget for a SECOND that we're only here because everyone else is dead. it's trying so hard to escape from that legacy, but it's impossible.

but when it embraces the fact that it season two is over and decides to do its own thing, it shines. ALL the best g1 episodes are from season 3. the new cast is a lot smaller than the previous one, which gives each of them room to breathe and be individuals. arcee, springer, ultra magnus, and rodimus are SO much more distinct than any of the countless generic autobots from the first two seasons. they do something really incredible with rodimus that they don't do with any other character in the show: they give him a character arc. he's not just generically heroic, he's often an asshole! it's a theme throughout the season how he doesnt want to be a leader because he misses the carefree fun of being hot rod. he has to Learn and Grow and yeah its nothing Groundbreaking but i love it!!! i know theres no timeline where this is the case, but i wish optimus wasn't revived. rodimus finally completed his arc it was awesome

the rest of g1 - season one is a strange watch. they were yet to figure out what the show was gonna be like, and it shows. it feels like the uncanny valley of cartoons, everythings just slightly off. theres some good episodes, but overall it hadn't quite found its footing yet

"season four" is barely worth mentioning. it exists to set up headmasters, and it does its job perfectly well. its certainly an achievement to introduce about thirty new characters in the span of five minutes! i really hate how hot rod's character arc from season three has been completely undone, as though theyre trying to forget he was ever rodimus. he never even interacts with ultra magnus, which is EVIL! they were BEST FRIENDS!!!

idw2 - if i chose my words carefully i could convince you that idw2 is an underrated masterpiece. i can see a version of idw2 in my head that is REALLY good! its got some Amazing characters: this cyclonus, pyra magna, termagax, flamewar, and cliffjumper are especially wonderful. and minerva finally got to be in something! and aileron!!! its SUCH a delight to see a piece of transformers media with a normal amount of women. genuinely this is the Only continuity that manages it. (theres even women who arent stick-thin! theres even women who dont wear lipstick!!!!! the bar is. So Fucking Low.) and the plot itself starts off very well. but. then it gets progressively worse and worse. like every other time a transformers writer has tried to do a political drama, ruckley just Cant commit to it. the very grounded and slow burn very soon becomes another generic, boring transformers story. its such a shame!

i also Need to bring up the ultra magnus arc of galaxies because it is fucking Insane. this is the only time ive found a transformers thing so bad its good (usually theyre just so bad theyre bad!) it had me howling with laughter

exodus - it had a strong start, but felt very rushed towards the end. i actually really love its take on starscream, hes closer to idw prowl than any other version of starscream ive seen (but he comes across much nicer because hes surrounded by people worse than him.) i respect how gay megatron and optimus were and also megatron and starscream. i also respect it for paving the way for better versions of this backstory. and for using the cybertronian term "mechanometers"

earthspark (season 1) - everyone said it was so good. everyone told me "the second and third seasons of earthspark are awful but the first is peak." they told me this and i believed them. like a FOOL! what absolutely enrages me about earthspark is that it so easily couldve been amazing.

when im thinking of my favourite versions of characters, Invariably earthsparks are at the top of the list. every pre-existing transformer is done SO well! i especially love elita, though she had about two minutes of screentime they were a lovely two minutes. cards on the table, i generally Really dislike bumblebee. in most continuities i find him very annoying, made only worse by the fact hes Everywhere. and yknow what earthspark did? they made a version of bumblebee i LOVE. and dont even get me started on megs and optimus!! and a lot of the new characters arent bad! i LOOOOVE twitch and nightshade with my whole heart, they deserve to be in a better show!! and every now and again, the stars align and earthspark has an episode where everything just Works. for some reason, some unknowable reason, earthspark keeps randomly having Really REALLY Good Individual Episodes.

earthspark manages to craft such an intruiguing world full of amazing characters and then not do ANYTHING with them. because the show isnt about its fun characters, and it isnt about exploring an earth decades after the cybertronian war, its about how awesome and cool the nuclear family is. every few seconds, a character must turn directly to the camera and say "wow i love being in a Family. Family is so good." you do not get to learn about the characters in any substantial way, because only ten episodes in theyre already adding THREE new terrans to the main cast, bringing our total number of main characters to SEVEN. and this show does not have the skill to make seven well-rounded, three-dimensional characters, so the main cast just feels hollow and underdeveloped. they dont trust their writing to convey their themes and messages, so they just have characters say them at the audience at every opportunity.

and i WANT to give earthspark the benefit of the doubt. because so many people love it! of course its going to be on-the-nose, its a kids show! of course its not gonna focus on the pre-existing transformers, its not about them its about the maltos! but the thing is i cant say that in good faith, because theres transformers media i really like thats aimed at younger kids and focuses more on humans! bumblebee is all about the humans, and it's great! dwj's skybound run has a central theme of family and also has very important human characters, and it's also great! and though i tend to prefer transformers media aimed at an older audience, cyberverse and go! go! were made for younger kids and i love them! (also the "older audience" in question here is like a max of fifteen, it's ALL kids media! it's a toy brand!) so i can't just write my dislike of earthspark off as it not being for me and move on with my life. this show is Bad and im so confused why everyone likes it.

earthspark (seasons 2-3) - i said i'd stop watching. i said 'everyone considers season 1 the best earthspark has to offer and i really didnt like it, so i will not watch any more.' i vowed that this would never happen. and yet...

the second and third seasons of earthspark are Bad, hot take i know. they seem to have recognised the unbearable frustration of season 1s random spikes in quality, and so elected to do away with Any good episodes whatsoever. which at least makes it a less aggrevating watch: now its mostly just boring

it wasnt All bad though. prowl was fantastic for the like two episodes he got to be the focus! it was mostly bad though... god i fucking hate earthspark

rise of the beasts - i think this might be the only case of a transformers thing being only good until the transformers are introduced?? the start getting to know the human characters was wonderful, and mirages introduction was a delight! i LOVE rotb mirage!!!! i was sooo excited that we mightve had Two good films in a row. alas, the rest was a disappointment.

the rest of skybound - truth be told, i stopped reading at around issue #30, when it became clear to me kirkman is a god awful writer and will systematically destroy all that was good about this comic. endless pain and misery be upon him! let robert kirkman never know joy! why can we never just have good things!!!!!!

earthspark (season 4) -
HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE EARTHSPARK SEASON 4 SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR EARTHSPARK AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR SEASON 4. HATE. HATE.

i can say no more on the subject. earthspark season 4 is Intolerable and proof we are living in the worst timeline. halfway through the second special i pulled out volume one of skybound and just started reading that instead, trying desperately to ignore the episode still playing in the background.

bayverse (tf 2007 - tlk) - do i even need to write anything? come the fuck on. they started off awful and they only got worse and worse and worse... i remember during age of extinction just. collapsing on the floor of my friends room as she blasted the soundtrack to the 86 film. i wish i could unwatch these films and also catapult michael bay into the sun